06-11-07
Almost Ready
I don't remember the first time I met my dad's ex-wife, the woman who gave birth to my three half brothers. Maybe she came into our kitchen for a minute when she drove them over for the weekends. Undoubtedly she was at Martin's funeral. He was, after all, her son. But I don't remember anything about Martin's funeral except the open casket, a single Iris I placed on his way-too-made-up face and wondering who would pick me up from school tomorrow if he wasn't going be here. The time I remember meeting Dad's ex-wife was when I was 17, and my friends and I were waiting in line at TicketMaster for tickets to the Rolling Stones' concert. We didn't even know that we would for sure get them; it was a lottery. But we had arrived at 4 a.m. to secure our luck.The line behind us snaked around the mini-mall, past the Chick Filet, and behind H&R Block. By 8 word was, "we were definitely getting in." I couldn't wait to see Mick Jagger's lips up close. I had to run back to my car to grab some sunscreen. I think I was singing "You Can't Always Get What You Want," when I almost knocked her down.
"Sorry about that."
"It's O.K. Shannon?"
"Yeah?"
"It's Catherine, Jon and Tommy's mom."
Jon and Tommy are my half brothers. And so was Martin, before he died.
"Hi," I think I stammered, but I could not believe that the woman standing in front of me had been married to my dad. She was dressed in tight black pants and a low-cut shirt. Except for her exotic dark hair, she looked like Olivia Newton John at the end of Grease.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, almost accusatory.
"Getting my tickets for the show. Did you get one?"
"We're not sure yet."
I was dazed and confused, and I didn't even know what that phrase meant. And then I said something I will never forget.
"I'm sorry about Martin."
Nine years earlier my brother Martin, her son, had jumped out of a hotel window in Hawaii and landed head first on the sidewalk. In that moment on the sidewalk outside Ticketmaster the only thing that came to my mind was how incredibly painful this must have been for her. I was only eight when it happened, but I was devastated, and slowly to the tragedy began to rip apart my family. I couldn't fathom the ripping apart this beautiful, sexy, mother of my brother must have had to endure. I wanted to crawl inside her arms and weep. I wanted to tell her how much I missed him. I wanted her to know that her son was my hero and that for the rest of my life I would compare every man I met to Martin. But I didn't know that then. I only knew that suddenly I felt extremely awkward, and I wanted to cry. She smiled and said, "Have fun at the concert."
I dropped my SPF 45 on the pavement and walked back to my car. I crawled into the tiny back seat of my 1980 Rabbit, curled into a ball and cried.
It has been 18 years since that day in the parking lot. I've seen Katherine only one other time, last year at my grandmother's funeral. Again I wanted to crawl inside her arms and tell her how much I had loved her son. But I couldn't. The words stuck in my throat and all I could say was, "Hi, it's nice to see you."
The next time I see her will be at my wedding in one month. My dad asked that she be on the guest list, and not only did she RSVP "yes," but she has already sent us a set of our selected silverware.
I believe a power greater than me guides me to where I am meant to be. When I walk slowly enough I recognize that power and reap the benefits of synchronicity. The power keeps trying until I take its hint. I am convinced that Katherine will be with us on our wedding day because that is the day I will pledge my love to the only man who has ever compared to my brother, Martin. It's a day I will finally celebrate love instead of mourning its loss. And as I count the days down from 30, I am Almost Ready to look this beautiful woman in the eyes and tell her how much I loved her son, how much I miss him and how very sorry I am for her loss. I think I'll also ask her if she liked the concert.
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Writing Menu
 09-24-08
Almost Embarrassing
07-14-08
Almost Saving Face
06-14-08
Almost Missionary: Rated X for Sex
03-19-08
Almost Evil
02-12-08
A SIMPLE PHONE CALL
02-03-08
About
01-13-08
Almost a Woman
11-13-07
Almost Everyone
08-13-07
Almost Mrs. Webb or Bridal Brain
06-11-07
Almost Ready
03-12-07
Almost Fired
12-01-06
Almost Gay
10-12-06
Is It Hot Yet? by Angela Kurian and Shannon Noel
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